Agency starts campaign against abuse of elders (Mumbai)

Agency starts campaign against abuse of elders
Surekha S / DNA
Tuesday, December 1, 2009 0:05 IST

Mumbai: "Elders are neglected and ill-treated in almost all houses
today," said Vitthal Dalvi, a 73-year-old resident of BDD Chawl,
Parel. "For elders who do not have a pension and are completely
dependent on their children, the difficulties are even more."

According to Alpa Desai, coordinator, the Family Welfare Agency, an
NGO, almost 40% of senior citizens are abused in some way or the other
-- financial, emotional or physical -- but only one in six cases comes
to light. Hence the need was felt to launch a campaign against elder
abuse.

The city-based agency working with senior citizens and their rights
launched a campaign on November 29. Flagged off at the Nehru Centre,
the campaign saw the presence of VN Deshmukh, retired additional
director general of police, producer/director Kalpana Lajmi and Dr
Parasuraman, director, Tiss. While Deshmukh spoke about the role of
the police in safety of senior citizens, Lajmi stressed about the role
of the media in raising awareness.

There was a campaign poster exhibition at the Warli Hall. In the
coming few weeks, there will be street plays, interactive focus group
discussions and workshops as part of the campaign. "We plan to hold
discussions in different areas of Mumbai and with senior citizens.
Many of them don't talk about it out of fear," said Desai.

Jayashree Patil (name changed) said that she had a very difficult time
with her daughter-in-law. "She would talk roughly to me all the time
and I had to do all my work by myself, including cooking. It was
getting very difficult for me. But after I got to know about FWA, I
gained some confidence.

"The most important thing was knowing that there is someone to support
me. The social workers came to my house and spoke to my
daughter-in-law as well. She is a little more subtle since then. It is
very important for elders to know that such a support system exists."

According to Laxmi Anjarlekar, the problems start after the kids get
married and start families of their own. "They then feel they have
their kids to look after and we amount to unnecessary expenditure,"
said Anjarlekar. "Such campaigns will help as elders will know whom to
approach. No parents want to go to the cops or the court against their
own children. Such organisations provide that support and necessary
counselling as well."

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I lost my wife to Pancreatic Cancer on 30th November 2009

I lost my wife to Pancreatic Cancer on 30th November 2009

I have not written so far anything personal in this blog. Now there is a pressing need to do. This note might give me the catharsis I am hoping for - through you, readers, who are my true friends. A very large number of you - nearly 100 - have sent messages of condolences sharing our grief. I also want to THANK everyone for their kindness and warmth. To all you I desire to say something about my loss.

Hardly eighty days ago, (September 12th to be precise) my wife was diagnosed as suffering from Pancreatic Cancer. And since last night she is simply no more. Cremated and gone. The shock
Is unimaginable and the grief is immeasurable. This can’t be seen on my face, though.

We were planning to celebrate her sixtieth birthday on 25th September 2009 on the occasion of her becoming a senior citizen! She had postponed visiting her daughter’s house in Delhi several times, ever since she moved out of Hyderabad some 18 months ago. This wish was never fulfilled. She underwent three Chemotherapy sessions at intervals of 21 days. After each Chemo she had a hell of a time with vomiting, nausea, excessive pain in abdomen etc. When problems taper down slowly, she had to get ready for another chemo session. After the third Chemo she had a very bad day with unmanageable nausea, mainly retching and sometimes success in vomiting. This took her to ICU in Asian Institute of Gastroenterology for five days and she ultimately succumbed to Cancer. Some complications were: Some block in larger intestines resulting in severe constipation and fluid effusion in lungs. She had a bout of viral fever for a week in between. During this one week all of us - care givers - (my self and two daughters), were also down with Chicken Gunia. I escaped with least trouble and my younger daughter is yet to recover fully even today. In a short period she suffered great pain. We are all thankful to God that he listened to our prayer: Please help her die soonest without much pain.

Unfortunately this pancreatic cancer is not easily diagnosed in early stages. When the discovery happens it is too late for any treatment. In most cases even surgery or radiation therapy are ruled out leaving Chemotherapy as final and only choice. 95% of pancreatic cancer patients die within a year. Surviving for 3 to 6 months is common. My wife happens to be a commoner!

What prompted her to go for proper diagnosis was an article she read which said: If you are above 50, losing weight and have severe abdominal pain then check for pancreatic cancer immediately. That is what she did and to our utter dismay her fears turned out to be true.

Only six months ago, on the occasion of our wedding day in May, I wrote a note stating reasons why I like my wife. It is reproduced below.

1. Devoted and doting mother to my two daughters: She is a friend, philosopher and a guide to them. She adjusts and sacrifices her own needs for the sake of our children. She compensates for all my fatherly inadequacies. Perfect understanding among these three.
2. Her innate intelligence. I can not tolerate dullards and dumbos. She is quick to understand situations and quicker to act calmly in crisis ridden situations.
3. Maturity: She has been constantly growing mature consciously over the years. Now almost everything is OK when it comes to others.
4. Her sympathy and empathy for others. She could even make herself sick thinking about others’ woes and misfortunes.
5. A Doer: She is a doer, ever active. When a problem occurs she would start tackling it right away (“Niptafy” she would say) instead waiting for some Muhurtam!
6. She is a stickler for cleanliness at home – a quality my children have inherited
7. She is never demanding – clothes, jewelry or anything like these. Her wants and needs are absolutely minimal.
8. She knows how to keep herself happy. She can be alone all by herself and not feel lonely. She does not demand even others’ time or attention.
9. Battling with poor health: She has been suffering from high BP for thirty years. Nature has not been kind to her health to say the least.
10. During the last few years (post retirement syndrome?) I have become a difficult person to live with. I KNOW. She has been putting up with me patiently, a GEM that she is.

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