I lost my wife to Pancreatic Cancer on 30th November 2009

I lost my wife to Pancreatic Cancer on 30th November 2009

I have not written so far anything personal in this blog. Now there is a pressing need to do. This note might give me the catharsis I am hoping for - through you, readers, who are my true friends. A very large number of you - nearly 100 - have sent messages of condolences sharing our grief. I also want to THANK everyone for their kindness and warmth. To all you I desire to say something about my loss.

Hardly eighty days ago, (September 12th to be precise) my wife was diagnosed as suffering from Pancreatic Cancer. And since last night she is simply no more. Cremated and gone. The shock
Is unimaginable and the grief is immeasurable. This can’t be seen on my face, though.

We were planning to celebrate her sixtieth birthday on 25th September 2009 on the occasion of her becoming a senior citizen! She had postponed visiting her daughter’s house in Delhi several times, ever since she moved out of Hyderabad some 18 months ago. This wish was never fulfilled. She underwent three Chemotherapy sessions at intervals of 21 days. After each Chemo she had a hell of a time with vomiting, nausea, excessive pain in abdomen etc. When problems taper down slowly, she had to get ready for another chemo session. After the third Chemo she had a very bad day with unmanageable nausea, mainly retching and sometimes success in vomiting. This took her to ICU in Asian Institute of Gastroenterology for five days and she ultimately succumbed to Cancer. Some complications were: Some block in larger intestines resulting in severe constipation and fluid effusion in lungs. She had a bout of viral fever for a week in between. During this one week all of us - care givers - (my self and two daughters), were also down with Chicken Gunia. I escaped with least trouble and my younger daughter is yet to recover fully even today. In a short period she suffered great pain. We are all thankful to God that he listened to our prayer: Please help her die soonest without much pain.

Unfortunately this pancreatic cancer is not easily diagnosed in early stages. When the discovery happens it is too late for any treatment. In most cases even surgery or radiation therapy are ruled out leaving Chemotherapy as final and only choice. 95% of pancreatic cancer patients die within a year. Surviving for 3 to 6 months is common. My wife happens to be a commoner!

What prompted her to go for proper diagnosis was an article she read which said: If you are above 50, losing weight and have severe abdominal pain then check for pancreatic cancer immediately. That is what she did and to our utter dismay her fears turned out to be true.

Only six months ago, on the occasion of our wedding day in May, I wrote a note stating reasons why I like my wife. It is reproduced below.

1. Devoted and doting mother to my two daughters: She is a friend, philosopher and a guide to them. She adjusts and sacrifices her own needs for the sake of our children. She compensates for all my fatherly inadequacies. Perfect understanding among these three.
2. Her innate intelligence. I can not tolerate dullards and dumbos. She is quick to understand situations and quicker to act calmly in crisis ridden situations.
3. Maturity: She has been constantly growing mature consciously over the years. Now almost everything is OK when it comes to others.
4. Her sympathy and empathy for others. She could even make herself sick thinking about others’ woes and misfortunes.
5. A Doer: She is a doer, ever active. When a problem occurs she would start tackling it right away (“Niptafy” she would say) instead waiting for some Muhurtam!
6. She is a stickler for cleanliness at home – a quality my children have inherited
7. She is never demanding – clothes, jewelry or anything like these. Her wants and needs are absolutely minimal.
8. She knows how to keep herself happy. She can be alone all by herself and not feel lonely. She does not demand even others’ time or attention.
9. Battling with poor health: She has been suffering from high BP for thirty years. Nature has not been kind to her health to say the least.
10. During the last few years (post retirement syndrome?) I have become a difficult person to live with. I KNOW. She has been putting up with me patiently, a GEM that she is.

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