COVID-19 imposed isolation
Thanks to Airtel Digital Smart TV Connection conking off,
for the past few days, my house is as silent as cemetery. I am living alone. This made me ruminate
on a late friend of mine who was similarly surrounded by noise – loud music or
broadcast from his TV set. If you go to his house you need to be shouting to
make yourself heard. He likes to talk a lot without any topic, preparation or
purpose. There will be incessant flow of words, unconnected sentences, and
incoherent statements. If you take pity and want to give him a break, just ask:
“Why do you think so?” He will stop dead on track because he won’t remember
WHAT he was saying to answer WHY of it.
My daughter used to refer to him as that uncle who loves his
own voice. Not that he is immersed in noise always, but also filth, dirt and squalor
too. The moment you enter his house you will start thinking of an excuse to get
away. If I am going to him on a planned visit I would have asked my daughter to
give me a ring after ten minutes so that I can pretend to have been called to
return home urgently.
The reason why we want to keep the TV or Radio on, unmindful
of what is going on, is that we feel internally lonely. The presence of sound –
someone speaking or singing – gives us a feeling that we have company of some (unknown)
human beings. My FIL used to keep one old two band transistor radio on most of
the time – that was beyond repair which only gave out noise!
Coming to think of it, this COVID thrust loneliness,
isolation, confinement etc is bringing out a new me that I was not aware of earlier.
Am I really a person always in need of external entertainment to keep myself
busy? Do I need meetings, people, TV, mobile, emails, WhatsApp etc to breathe? Is
there no self worth to be gained by keeping quiet, doing nothing in particular?
Listening to oneself and explore within – is that possible, am I willing? I had
learnt the technique of meditation earlier but never took it seriously enough
to make it a habit / routine. Is it time now? Several articles talk of things
we may do to keep ourselves engaged. What can I do to disengage myself?
Questions and questions arise but no easy answers yet.
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