Sunday, June 14, 2009

Case Study of an Elder Abuse in Bangalore

Case Study of an Elder Abuse in Bangalore


Victims: Old Parents; Abuser: Son & DIL; Reason: Property. Old grudges of DIL; Place: Bangalore Read for yourself how mean and lowly children could be!

Ramakrishna 90 and his wife Radha Bhai 82 are victims of Elder Abuse in their own house. Offenders are none other their own son Anil Kumar and Daughter in law Anjali.  The son lost his job when he was barely 50 and is wasting or idling at home. Children (grand children) are studying in engineering colleges. As the DIL earns, she has an upper hand over her husband. The old man gets sufficient pension of his own.

Ramakrishna has a two bed room house but he can not out of their only room 'allotted' to them.
He suffers from Alzheimers and can not look after himself.  But they share common kitchen, toilet and passage way. Old parents prepare (that is, the son's mother) their own food after the DIL leaves for office. The son is so much against the parents (they are refusing "write" their house to the son right now) that he will not entertain any  visitors of his parents. DIL Refuses to do anything connected with parents in law. She will not allow her husband to fetch even bread or milk for his parents when they are sick.

Recently when Radha Bhai went to bank to withdraw some heavy cash (10K) when she was expecting a balance of 45 K she was told by the bank that all the money has been drawn already!.Even for heating water for bathing DIL will not allow PIL to use their Electric heater (heating rod). Oldies heat their own water on gas stove (how risky). There will be a big scene if FIL picks up the newspaper bought by his

The reason for Anjali being so hard hearted is stated to be that the MIL was very strict in regard to 'madi' 'acharam' etc peculiar to Madhwa Community when DIL was young. The son locks the fridge so that it can not be used for storing milk, puja flowers or curd belonging to parents. Recently the son poured water in mother's bed room floor and was seen praying aloud to GOD that she (mother) must have a fall, fracture and suffer more.

Radha had to be operated for fully developed cataract. She requested her son to look after his father for 3/4 days. Son asked: First show me the WILL. Mother said the will is still with the lawyer. The son asked her to pack everything and go away.

The old woman has a pace maker inserted and the battery is failing and needs replacement. She also wants cataract operation done as her vision is very poor. No one would take her to hospital or help her in any way though Bangalore is full of their relatives of various ages & strengths. On a daily basis both son and DIL abuse elders verbally too.

As the old man gets a pension (about 10K) they decided to move to an OAH. They did go to OAH and got admitted paying Rs 8000/- Right on the first evening the old man (demented) created such a ruckus that he should go back to 'his' (son's) home, the mgmt of OAH sent them back in the night at 10.00 pm by taxi. A lady advocate friend who assisted them to go to OAH took Rs 1000 towards Taxi while the actual fare is Rs 300/- Everywhere they are exploited and ill treated. The old lady with her ailing husband is back to her son DIL again to face the music this time louder!

The old man asked his wife 'what to do with the wet underwear' after bathing. Radha said: bring it & put it on the edge of the cot for drying. Drying them outside is not permitted! He took the underwear,
while walking through the kitchen, jerked it briskly to throw away excess water and went to his bedroom to dry the same. Anjali  saw what happened got offended and threw away all the items she had cooked that morning stating that they would got dirtied because of the old man's action. Cooked items were covered with proper lids and FIL was far away to have any impact. She would not listen. DIL has neither heart nor sympathy whatsoever for MIL or FIL.

Radha  Bhai  got herself admitted into an OAH on her own again taking her ALD patient with her. With the help of some friend and well wisher, got one eye operated. Before the other eye could be operated
she developed infection, mostly because she was attending to her husband who was sick, unhealthy and stinking. Despite OAH staff warned her not to bother about her husband whom they were ready to
take care, she did not listen. After struggling for three weeks with infection she got the other eye operated for cataract. When that eye was just healing her husband passed away.

Anil  and Anjali  were away to GOA on a holiday – they were informed. When the son came from Goa to the OAH, the first thing he asked returned OAH staff was how much of advance is left over? This advance was paid by the old couple out of their own money.

Radha's  problems have increased. She is isolated & treated as an untouchable old times Widow. Verbal abuse, negating all physical help like cooking food, cheating her of her money -- all continue. She buys food from nearby mess. Despite a number of relatives in the city, no one would "interfere". The funny thing is that the son / DIL & their sons are still living in the Old Lady's house!

The old lady will not even now expose the happenings at home and seek external help from police or elsewhere because of stupid love or affection. Suggested solution: Educating Elders to protest openly and not to put up with such nonsense. In this case bringing social pressure and adverse publicity to the victimizers might help.



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